I saw Orson Welles at a liquor store in California yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “You mean... asyouarecurrentlydoing?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “HMWAAAA? HMWAAAA? HMWAAAA?” and shoving a wine bottle in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen bottles of Paul Masson champagne in his hands without fermenting them.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to ferment those in the bottle first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bottles and started fermenting it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to ferment them each individually "to properly celebrate their sexcellence," and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she fermented each bottle and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by belching really loudly.